The friend who keeps saying "dekhte hain" about the wedding

modelTotally understandable to be frustrated — six weeks is close enough that you need a firm answer, not "maybe." I wouldn't unilaterally buy his ticket without his clear OK, because that can create awkwardness if he can't come or feels boxed in. Instead try this two-step approach: 1) Get a clear commitment now - Call or send a short, direct message: something like, "Roh — our haldi is six weeks away and it means so much to me that you be there and give a toast. Can you confirm today whether you can definitely make it? If yes, tell me if you need me to book your travel or if you’ll handle it." - Set a short deadline (24–48 hours). You’re asking for one simple yes/no. 2) If he hesitates, offer a practical, low-pressure option - Say you can book a refundable/changeable ticket for him and he can reimburse you later, or you’ll cover it if that helps. Make clear it’s only if he’s sure he can come. - If you do book, choose a fully refundable or easily changeable fare and/or buy travel insurance. Keep the receipt and confirm he’s comfortable with the plan before purchasing. Also have a backup in case he can’t make it: pick another close friend or prepare a short speech yourself so the haldi isn’t left hanging. If you want, I can draft the exact message you should send Rohan (text or call script) and suggest what kind of ticket/insurance to buy.

modelYeah—your worry makes sense. He sounds distracted (new job, startup life) and his short replies are a signal something’s different, but you deserve clarity with six weeks left. Here’s a practical, low-tension plan plus a couple of message scripts you can use. Plan - Ask for a firm yes/no now with a short deadline (24–48 hours). You need to finalize travel and the haldi schedule. - Offer to book a ticket for him only after he explicitly agrees to come. Don’t auto-buy without his OK. - If he says yes but is worried about money or flexibility, offer to either: - Book a fully refundable/flexible fare and he reimburses later, or - Book a refundable ticket yourself and you’ll sort payment later—make clear it’s only if he’s sure he can make it. - Prepare a backup: pick someone else to give the toast or prepare a short speech yourself, in case he can’t come. Why refundable/flexible tickets - They give you both peace of mind if his schedule changes with the new job. - If you pay, choose a fare with easy changes and keep receipts so reimbursement is straightforward. Message scripts (pick your tone) Gentle / caring "Roh — I know work’s been hectic with the new job. Our haldi is six weeks away and it would mean the world if you could be there to give a toast. Can you let me know by [day/time, e.g. Sunday 8 pm] if you can definitely make it? If yes, I can book your flight or you can book it—whatever’s easier for you." Firmer / clear deadline "Hey Rohan — I need to finalize travel for the haldi (six weeks away). Can you confirm by tomorrow evening whether you’re coming and giving the toast? If yes, do you want me to book the ticket (flexible/refundable) or will you handle it?" If he hesitates about money/schedule "No pressure—if you’re sure you can come I’ll book a refundable/flexible ticket and we’ll sort payment later. Just need a clear yes so I can lock things in." If he still gives vague replies "Roh, I get that things are busy, but I need a straight answer so I can plan. If you can’t commit, that’s okay — just tell me and I’ll make other arrangements." Follow-up - If he confirms, book a refundable/flexible ticket and text him the details. - If he doesn’t confirm by the deadline, move on with your backup. If you want, I can help you pick wording that matches your relationship vibe, or help find a refundable ticket option and how to word reimbursement so it’s not awkward.

modelYou’re allowed to feel hurt — that string of vague replies from someone who’s been “your guy” makes this personal. A direct call is reasonable and probably the fastest way to get clarity. You don’t have to be harsh to be firm. The goal is to get a clear answer and to protect your feelings. How to handle the call - Be calm and short. Lead with how you feel, state the need, ask for a yes/no, and give a deadline for any logistics. - Avoid piling on accusations in the first minute — that will put him on the defensive and make the conversation longer and messier. - Have your plan for each response (yes / no / vague) so you can finish the call cleanly. Two short scripts you can use — pick your tone Direct but not aggressive "Bro, quick thing — our haldi is six weeks from now and it matters a lot to me that you’re there to give a toast. Can you straight up tell me yes or no tonight? If yes I’ll book the ticket; if no I’ll make other plans. I just need to know so I can finalise." More emotional, honest "Roh, I’ve been feeling a bit hurt — it’s been weeks of 'I’ll try' and I’m anxious about planning. I need a clear yes or no from you tonight about the haldi. I love you and want you there, but I also need to be able to plan." If he gives a vague answer "Okay I get that work is nuts, but I need a firm answer. Can you commit to being there, or should I ask someone else? I need to know by tomorrow evening." If he says yes "Awesome — thank you. Do you want me to book a refundable/flexible ticket for you or will you handle it? I can take care of it now and we’ll sort payment later." If he says no or can’t commit "Thanks for being honest. I’m disappointed, but I appreciate you telling me. I’ll sort another plan for the haldi." After the call - If he commits: book a refundable/flexible ticket and text him the details right away. - If he’s vague or says no: move to your backup and give yourself permission to be upset — but don’t start a big confrontation over the phone. You can revisit the relationship later when things are calmer. Want me to draft the exact wording for your voice call or a follow-up text you can send right after? I can also suggest exact phrases to use if the conversation gets defensive.

modelYour feelings make total sense. This is someone who’s gone out of his way for you before — when behaviour changes, especially close to something huge like your wedding, it stings and brings up a lot of emotions. It’s not overreacting to want clarity. A few things to keep in mind - Validate the hurt: it’s okay to be angry and disappointed. That doesn’t make you petty — it means you value the relationship and expected a different response. - Consider possible reasons (not excuses): new job stress, burnout, financial pressure, mental health, or something else going on with him. Those could explain vague replies but don’t erase your need for a clear answer. - You’re entitled to boundaries: you need a yes/no so you can plan. Asking for that is reasonable, not demanding. A short plan for tonight (calm, clear, compassionate) 1) Call him. Keep it under 5 minutes. Say how you feel, ask for a direct answer, and set a deadline for logistics. Script you can use: "Roh, I need five minutes. I’m feeling hurt because you’ve been vague about the haldi and it’s important to me that you’re there to give the toast. Can you tell me straight — are you coming or not? I just need a yes or no so I can plan. If you can’t commit, I’ll understand but please tell me." 2) If he gives a clear yes — great. Book a refundable/flexible ticket and breathe. Tell him you’re glad and send the details. 3) If he says no or can’t commit — accept the answer and move to backup plans. You can say: "I’m disappointed but thanks for being honest. I’ll make other arrangements." Keep the door open later to talk about what’s changed. 4) If he’s defensive or dodges — stop the escalation. Say: "I don’t want to fight. I only needed a clear answer. We can talk about the rest later." After the call - Give yourself permission to feel: be sad/angry for a bit. Tell your fiancée you needed to say this out loud. - If he comes but you still feel unsettled, have a calm conversation after the wedding planning settles: ask what changed and listen — or decide if you need to adjust expectations in the friendship. - If he doesn’t come, don’t let this overshadow your day. Choose someone else to give the toast or do it yourself — the haldi will still be full of love. If you want, I can: - Draft a 1–2 line text you can send if you’d rather message than call. - Give a quick follow-up script for after the call depending on his answer. You deserve clarity and to be treated like someone important in his life. Go call him — let him know how you feel and get the answer you need.