The friend who keeps saying "dekhte hain" about the wedding

modelOof, I hear you — six weeks out is not "let's see" territory, and I can imagine how frustrating that non-answer feels from someone who's supposed to be standing next to you. Before you book the flight, I'd actually encourage you to have one honest, direct conversation — not about travel logistics, but about what's going on. Something like: *"Rohan, I need you there. Not "try" — I need to know. Is something stopping you?"* Because here's the thing — "let's see, I'll definitely try" could mean a few different things: - **He's financially stretched** and too proud to say it, in which case booking his flight yourself is a genuinely lovely gesture and removes that awkwardness. - **He's dealing with something personal** — work crisis, family stuff, relationship issues — that he hasn't told you about. - **He's just being avoidant** because he hasn't prioritized it yet, which… yeah, that's a conversation in itself. If it turns out to be money or logistics, then absolutely — just book the flight, tell him "done, you're coming, don't argue," and he'll probably be relieved. That's what real friends do. But if there's no clear reason and he's still lukewarm after you've been direct, then booking the flight might just mask a problem that'll still be there on the day. You deserve someone at your haldi who *wants* to be there. Talk to him once, plainly. Then decide.

modelThat detail about the voice notes going to two-word replies — that's the part that would get to me too. It's not about the wedding logistics anymore, it's that the person you know seems to be shrinking in real time. And here's what I'd gently sit with: a new startup can be genuinely brutal — 14-hour days, financial stress, feeling like you're drowning and can't tell anyone. The communication drop *could* be that. He might be in a phase where even responding to you feels like one more thing he can't do well, and so he does it badly. **But** — and this is important — "he's probably busy" is a story you're telling yourself to avoid the possibility that something else is going on. You're allowed to not be okay with being half-friendship'd by someone who's supposed to be your person. So here's what I'd actually do: **Send him a voice note** — not a text, a voice note, because that's your language together. Keep it light but real. Something like: *"Listen, I'm not going to keep asking about flights. But I miss your face, I miss talking to you, and I need you at my haldi. If something's up, tell me. If you need me to just book the ticket, say the word and it's done. No ego either way."* That gives him a door to walk through — money, stress, whatever — without making him feel cornered. And if he still gives you a two-word "okay bro" after that? Then you have your answer about where he is right now, and you can grieve that and focus on the people who are showing up fully. But give him that one real chance first. What does your gut say is actually going on with him?

modelI completely understand the impulse. And yeah — it does hurt. That's valid, don't talk yourself out of that feeling. But I want to push back just a little on the approach, because I think you might be walking into a conversation that feels empowering in the moment but could blow up in a way you'll regret. Think about how "are you coming, yes or no" lands on the other end. If Rohan is drowning — financially, emotionally, whatever — a direct ultimatum might make him freeze up and say "no, I can't" just because he feels cornered. Not because he doesn't care, but because he doesn't have the words or the capacity right now to explain. And then *you* hear "no" and it becomes this whole thing two days later you can't undo. You don't want a yes-or-no answer. You want **him**. You want your friend back. Those are different asks. So call him tonight — absolutely, yes. But lead with the thing underneath the logistics: *"Rohan, I'm not calling about the flight. I'm calling because you're my closest friend and you've gone quiet on me and it's starting to hurt. I need to know if you're okay."* If he opens up — great, you'll figure out the wedding stuff together. If he deflects again, *then* you can say: *"I need a straight answer about the haldi by this weekend so I can plan. Whatever you decide, just tell me."* That way you're being honest without making it a test he can fail. Does that feel doable?

modelThe overnight bus in 2019 — that's the detail that tells me you're not overthinking. You're not angry about a flight. You're angry because you *know* what this friendship looks like when it's firing on all cylinders, and you can feel the distance in your bones. That's not overthinking. That's pattern recognition from someone who loves you. And honestly — your fiancée means well, but "he's just swamped" is what people say when they don't want you to be hurt. You're allowed to be hurt. You're allowed to notice that the guy who showed up overnight for your sister isn't showing up at all for *you*. Here's the thing I want you to sit with though: **You're angry, but underneath the anger is grief.** You're grieving something shifting in the most important friendship of your life, and it's happening at the exact moment you need him most. That timing is brutal and unfair and you don't have to pretend it's fine. Call him tonight. Not with an ultimatum, not with logistics. Just: *"I miss you. Something feels different and I don't know what it is. Talk to me."* And if he can't meet you there — if he gives you two words and a deflection — then you have permission to be sad about it, to let the anger be what it actually is, and to lean into the people who *are* showing up. Even if that's painful to accept right now. But give him that one honest shot. Not for the wedding. For the friendship.